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(Gondor vs Mordor)  |  Misc  |  Players Fiction  |  Thee Adventures of "Half Orc Bandit"
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Author Topic: Thee Adventures of "Half Orc Bandit"  (Read 4823 times)
Flossabee
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« on: 16 September 2010, 21:06 »

Part 1 : Ugh!

It was midsummer when Orlog the high goblin chief called together a meeting of the five tribes in a rather large cave in no place in particular ; the stench of the umber hulk carcasses did not
bother the gathering as orlog raised his voice "Right you lot we got some work to do see" his speech continued on throughout the day until all the goblins had fallen asleep and finally himself
exhaustion from the speech or stench was anyones guess.
Leagues away in Dinas Morgul a fight broke out in a crowded tavern between a rather large orc
and one Half Orc Bandit ; the gathering cheered as the two wrestled about having started arguing
about "Whos Muscles Were Biggist".
After half the tavern was allmost completely destroyed some orc guards in armour came in to
break up the ruckess breaking the two up and proceeding to throw them both in cell for the night
it took three guards to get Half Orc Bandit into his cell as he wrestled with them with his mighty
strength but finally was penned into the cell and locked up for the night.

Meanwhile Orlog and the goblins slept soundly Snoring Away ,

Many hours passed as Half Orc Bandit strolled back and forth in anticipation of his release the
weak ale hardly having an effect on him the guards outside muttered "Yous better get some rests".
Half Orc Bandit returned "Mees no need Rests , Mees strong only weaklings have Rests"
the guards chuckled to themselves and continued playing cards ..many other prisoners were
kept in the prison block as well .. one of them Scar Greynault the leader of a local gang of
thugs that preyed on everything that moved on the roads leading to minas tirith.. Scar had
been watching Half Orc Bandit ever since he arrived ..

And all this time Orlog and the goblins slept soundly Snoring Away ,

Scar regarded Half Orc Bandit curiously thinking in the back of his mind "Now if i could only
get him to [is cut short in his thoughts]" [Half Orc Bandit Proceeded to Slam both of the Orc
guards skulls together rendering them unconcious taking the keys off one of the guards belts.
Scar called out to Half Orc Bandit "Oy matey hows about you let me free eh buv we be good
friends A" ...Half Orc Bandit Snorted opening the Cell Door and began walking towards him  
...Scar still curious as to how he managed to snatch the thought out of his mind as his cell
door opened and Half Orc Bandit Stood Before him with a Tooth Grin Speaking "OOOh thats
simple scars me knows because ..umm...a voice told me in my head ...somethings .. him..
says ...[some time passes as his brain trys to fathom the cosmic forces of the writer that
had placed knowledge in his mind]...ahh ...me jus ..knows Scar...Now Let Gettin Out Here".

The robed figure of the leader of bandits did not hesitate twice to slip out of that cell and
follow the hulking mass of Half Orc Bandit down the Prison Hall ..certain guard in the way
were tosses aside like flies by Half Orc Bandit as he walked forward seemingly like a two
ton truck with an attitude.
Scar followed close behind with two daggers drawn just in case anything managed to escape
the apparent Rider of the Apocolypse in front of him that seemed to be just about immune to
everything Minas Morgul could throw at him except apples of which he caught a few and
starting eating even passing one to scar ..as the pair made their way out the gate with ease..
causing enough noise to wake up the dead by a certain tower nearby.

Scar stepped back into some shadows at the sight of the Skel Warriors ..but one look at
Half Orc Bandit and they turned to Dust ...Half Orc Bandit Cheered for joy jumping up and
down [some time passes until scar approaches him and begins to talk] "hey chum i think
their dead we can continue on now" the duo made its way into the mirky distance.

Oh and Indeed all this time Orlog and the goblins slept soundly Snoring Away in that big
ole cave leagues away... to be continued !
« Last Edit: 17 September 2010, 10:42 by Flossabee » Logged
Flossabee
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« Reply #1 on: 17 September 2010, 10:41 »

Part 2 : Mees Hungrys

It was early in the morning as the sun began to rise high over the majestic city of Minas
Tirith the sun illuminated the splendor of the white arcitecture that adorned the pride of
Gondors main stronghold.
Two figures approached and could be seen in the distance by the main gate wardens one
appeared to be a rather large and stocky fellow the other a slim figure both were moving
slowly.

One of the wardens suddenly became alert as the larger of the two travellers suddenly
hurled a gigantic boulder at the gate ..the force at which it struck shattered the gate in
to peices the force of the shockwave knocking down all the surrounding guards.
One of them managed to pull out a horn of gondor and blew on that horn with all the
air he had left in him after being allmost knocked unconcious ... the shouts of men
, horses , armour , and the clammering of armoured boots could be heard in all directions.

Scar looked up at Half Orc Bandit and then spoke quickly "Ahh isnt that a little harsh mate
we just need to get a few loaves from market" ....Half Orc Bandit returned "ummz when i was
a littil bitty orcses mummy taught me to throw stone at door whens i wants to opens it".
[a large sigh came from scar as he watched archers lining the walls and captain faramir riding
out flanked by knights of Gondor].

Faramir intoned in a harsh and offical voice "Who would dare destroy the gates of minas tirith
such a deed will not go unpunished prepare to be slain!" .. Scar faded away into the shadows
or at least he thought they were when a goblin suddenly tugged at his robe.
Orlog the goblin high chief and a great number of goblins were laying in wait preparing to make
a suprise attack on Minas Tirith ..Scar couldnt believe his luck and he talked quitely with Orlog
covering his nose on occassion from the stench of the apparent army of stench allthough still
a significant counternance.

Half Orc Bandit bellowed "Mees looking for food ..uhhh .. door really biggs so Mees had to use
big stone to open itss.." ...Faramir Stood there for a moment muling over in his mind what to do
as some of his archers began to sweat their bows drawn and arrows at the ready.
Then all of a sudden the high pitched voice of the goblin cheif screamed ! "Attack!" ..a huge force
of goblins came pouring out of apparently nowhere the vile stench accompaning them ..a battle
ensued and the noise of swords clashing against armour , goblins and humans alike getting slain ,
and of men dying of the foul stench occupied the good part of half the day.

All this time Half Orc Bandit and Scar were allready inside the city snacking on a nice hot meal at
 a local establishment ..the clamour of war seemingly not bothering them as Half Orc Bandit
and friend ate and drunk their fill.
At one point the bartender ran out of ale and Half Orc Bandit began drinking out of a keg down below in the cellar ..Scar seizing many opportunities to pick pocket coins as the Towering
Monstrosity of Half Orc Bandit seemed to hold everyones attention.

As the day drew to a close the pair had looted and trashed at least three good taverns in Minas
Tirith and finally collapsed in the middle of the market place ..as the battle raged on outside the
gates.
Half Orc Bandit and Scar were sleeping soundly until a voice boomed from the sky "Get up you
idiots this is no time to be sleeping" [the writer seemingly having to wake them out of their
slumber to continue his story].

Half Orc Bandit moaned "Awwwwzzz Mees was Sleepin" as he staggered up just about falling
over and crushing scar who was also wide awake by now wondering what in the realm had just
spoken to them.
Also the battle had silenced a moment as many also pondered that very thought ..then returned
to their battle as the mystical powers of the writer compelled them to do so ..... to be continued
« Last Edit: 17 September 2010, 10:46 by Flossabee » Logged
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« Reply #2 on: 18 September 2010, 04:06 »

Part 3 : The Not So Happy Forest

Early the next morning after yet another disaster had been created by the duo smoke rose high
into the air which did not go unoticed by advance orc scouts who reported back to the witch king
in dinas morgul.
Still wheathered from the previous day Half Orc Bandit and Scar decided to dunk their heads in a
cool stream which flowed out of a nearby forest ...which seemed unmiddlearthly quite.

After a good dose of cold water to their faces the pair staggered a bit and shook off the cold water
feeling a bit more awake and ready to take on the world ! Half Orc Bandit looked into the forest
then spoke "hmm strangers feelin scar ...forests never so quite ..hmmmz..wondering why [walking
 into the forest]".
Scar knew the woods and placed a box on the ground opening it up and attaching an ornate bow
together then afixing a crude quiver with some rather nasty looking arrows .. years earlier he had
aquired it by chance from an assassin who had passed out on a table ..and was careless enough
to leave the magic bow unattended..deaths call was indeed a powerfull bow..and a powerfull blow
to the assassin having been relieved of it by scar.

As the duo set out into the forest they started noticing many white signs around even up in the
trees ..Scar looked at one of the signs and pondered over it the words "ON STRIKE" seemed
to be on every sign they could find.
After trudging their way through the forest which seemed to be allmost unattended they came
accross a single gnome who sat on a tree stump smoking a pipe with some halfling weed in
it ..he coughed muttering something about "some good" the rest of words could be barely be
made out.

Half Orc Bandit Picked up one of the signs and tried over and over to make out the words
"oooooon Strriiikksss" "ooooon Strikeeeess" [many attempts are made as the gnome
laughs uncontrollably in the background passing the pipe to scar who takes a few tokes].
Scar coughed a few times and a smile crept accross his face as strange colours could
he see the forest seemed different for some reason ...he then turned to the gnome and
asked "Sooo whats the story here mate wheres all the creatures".

The gnome started speaking quickly as gnomes do "well you see all the creatures got
tired of a certain druid who kept sticking his nose into [raves on for an hour about the
apparent forest wide strike caused by the greed of the druid who had gathered up all
the weed bushes and had stored them up in his tower the creatures not being able
to "have any weed" decided to abandon the forest completely ..even a few evil trents
who usually dont move for anything had joined the strike].

Scar had a headache by the time the gnome finished having been trying to listen to
the gnome whilst Half Orc Bandit was having his first lesson in reading of which he finally
decided to give up throwing the sign aside and turning to scar "whats meaning the sign
scars'.
Scar looked at the hulking mass of Half Orc Bandit and made it simple "Well my tall friend
it would seem we have a forest with a greedy druid who likes to keep weed to himself and
not share with others ..what say we go and pays him a visits [attempts to assimilate the
communiation of half orc bandit].

The gnome chuckled then spoke "well that would most excellent im sure all the creatures
would come back if you were to liberate the bounty from that greedy rastil frakim rakim!"..
Scar saw other opportunities and designs on the bounty of weed and convinced Half Orc
Bandit to help him liberate the stash of weed.
Scar considered letting Half Orc Bandit have a puff on the pipe but assessing it carefully
he decided not too ..just in case his megalomaniac personality turned into one of Titantic
proportions.

The gnome mentioned that he quite liked the sound of the birds and said there would be
a sack of gold coins in it if they could bring back the weed ..Scar agreed hastily devising
a scheme in his mind ..and the duo set off in the direction of a tower which lay in the
distance.
Half Orc Bandit trudged along merrily looking about like a kid at play ...as scar kept his
bow at the ready as he knew the dangers a shadow druid could pose keeping deaths
call close and arrows even closer.

After a distance of travelling they came upon the tower where the druid was rumoured to
be holding out ..Scar spoke "My tall friend theres a lot of carrying to be done can you do
it ..ill deal with that [coughs] evil druid ..you grabs the bushes and takes them back to
gnome in forest".
Half Orc Bandit replied "Okies Mees dooos for scar" and with that the pair entered the
tower ...Half Orc Bandit disregarding the magic mouth on the door and simply bashed
in the door with his 4 by 4 bit'o wood he found in the forest.

The magic mouths puzzle question turned into something that sounded like a walkman
going flat .. Scar smirked as he darted from shadow to shadow his agile and quickness
reflected his many years as a rouge ..he had known no other life.
Meanwhile in Dinas Morgul the Witch King of Agmar stood before an orb placing his hand
over it speaking in an unatural voice "what is ..thy will my master" ...the orb resonated
and a ghostly voice spoke echoing about the chamber "There ..[echo]There has been
a setback ..." ...Witch King Returns "A setback my lord?" ... "Yes...[echo]Yes my
spirit has taken possession of a ...[mutters] mouse!"...Witch King Stands Motionless
..attempting to control a desire to laugh for a thousand years .."What would you ..have
me do...my ..Lord !".

"You [echo]You will seek out the Witch Baba Yaga in the dead marshes she will know
the spell to release me from this [squeeks] ridiculous form" [orc laughter in the background]
Sauron "WHAT [echo]WHAT WAS THAT!" .. The Witch King Spun and held a fist up at
the orcs who were then silent ..turning back to the orb and speaking "It was nothing my lord
just a necromancers experiement" ...."Very [echo]Very well ..go forth Nasgul and find the Witch".

To be continued ....  



« Last Edit: 18 September 2010, 04:20 by Flossabee » Logged
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